A Good Movie Quote

Scrooged is a movie I never hear people talk about, but it is full of great lines that make you laugh in sinister and upsetting ways. It's the same kind of laugh as when George Carlin would really tear into America and it's spot on in that depressing kind of way. Other than hearing Bill Murray say, "the bitch hit me with a toaster," another one that stands out is during his encounter with the Ghost of Christmas Past, played by the singer of the New York Dolls. He shows Frank (Murray) an unsettling scene of his childhood, and the adult Frank leaves the house trying to stay upbeat and positive after seeing his childhood self bear the brunt of reality. Finally, the Ghost of Christmas Past, in this version a spot on Manhattan cabbie, stops Frank in his tracks and delivers it straight: "Face it, Frank. You don't know who you are, you don't know what you want, and you don't know what the hell is going on." Poignantly catatonic and perfectly delivered.

Pointless Politics

Discussion is really a futile enterprise these days. I've been watching a lot of the cable news stations lately, and it just gets horribly depressing. They mask discussions of issues and current events by pitting extremists from both ends against each other on the air. What results is nothing short of jumbled arguing due to the fact that each side raises his or her voice simultaneously to be the predominant figure so much so that nothing is actually learned by the viewers it is intended to enlighten. They are so busy preaching, they forget about teaching. By the time it finishes, I have no greater understanding of the issue at hand, jut a greater disdain for the people trying to force me into their camps of thought. Then you go out into your own surrounding areas and hear people trying their best to have the same arguments, but because they don't even understand half of what they are trying to spew, they end up looking foolish and uneducated. But it's so incredibly pointless to even engage in political talks, no matter at what level. On the one hand, if you are unaware of the issues and why people on the right oppose the views of the left, you are automatically unqualified to speak out from either side and sound ridiculous if you choose to do so. On the other hand, if you are completely up to date on all the issues, such as the people arguing on television, then it is still ultimately a waste of time to engage with the opposition about politics because neither party will be swayed to change their opinion. I am closer to the latter. I have had others try to come down on me for my views, and in the past I have tried doing the same, but I finally realize it's a completely empty effort. No one will change my mind by preaching to me and trying to guilt trip me. I won't have the same effect on anyone either, so I no longer care. If you have gotten to that point in your beliefs as I have, what's the point of wasting time? Besides, most people you run across will only be able to spew back bullet points they receive from their media of choice and let's be honest: it's Fox News for the right and MSNBC for the left. No one wants to be bothered with reading these days, so they watch Glenn Beck or Rachel Maddow to speed up the process.

The talking points are more noticeable from the right. I recently saw a short film by Alexandra Pelosi from the McCain-Palin campaign trail in 2008, where supporters railed off these points with unwavering gusto. The expected answers:

Obama is a socialist. (Be honest, you don't even know what socialism is.)
Obama is the next Hitler. (Bush is the current. Ask Iraq.)
Obama is a terroroist. (Because his middle name is Hussein, right?)
Obama went to Harvard and doesn't understand the working class.
(Bush went to Yale and Harvard and doesn't understand the English language.)
America isn't ready for a black president.
We will be attacked if Obama is president. (9/11. Who was president?)
Foreigners are taking our jobs. (That's because Americans are really lazy.)
Obama is anti-American. (As his record of public service indicates.)
Blame it on liberal media.
(You mean the same liberal media that is airing a pro life ad but not a gay dating site ad during the Super Bowl?)


The list goes on forever, and it is robotically spewed by southerners with thick accents who would stand to benefit financially if they knew anything about what they were talking about.

Liberals in a sense are just the same as neocons. They just automatically revert to the same bullet points. All they have to do is watch Bill Maher for an hour and they are set. While right leaning analysts on television tend to be either gorgeous women in their 30s-40s or square white men in the throes of a midlife crisis, their liberal counterparts tend to be ugly, self righteous, and bland. This is what they love saying:

Obama will create jobs. (Big time bullshit.)
Obama will get us out of the wars in the Middle East.
(Afghanistan didn't get the memo.)
Obama will only tax the rich. (So striving for greatness is eventually punished.)


Both sides are full of major shit. I belong to one side, but I am trying to distance myself from the unwavering support that resonates from both ends. If someone could actually convince me to believe otherwise, I might give some consideration. It will take more than just running down the Bill O'Reilly crap. If I raise an objection, it won't help to raise your voice and say the same thing again. Actually, I take it back. I don't even want to talk about it, because I know how to educate myself and it doesn't involve a television. We are all peons in the grand scale of the Earth, the cosmos, the never-to-be-discovered pockets of the universe and so forth. The planet is billions of years old. Measuring our importance or better yet, picking this moment in time out of an immeasurable hat would be like pinpointing a particular grain of sand from all the world's beaches combined. Better to just let bygones be bygones. I'd rather just have a beer and watch the game.

The Real Battle of the Sexes

On Sunday, January 24, a new precedent was set in the world of professional sports when Kelly Kulick became the first woman ever to win a Professional Bowlers Association tour event. It just so happened to be the Tournament of Champions, the most prestigious bowling tournament there is at the pro level. Unfortunately, pro bowling doesn't have large numbers of followers, so this amazing feat may go largely unnoticed and underappreciated. It doesn't seem fair, though, because of all the major uprisings by women in male-dominated sports this may be the biggest achievement ever.

When women step up in the public eye and challenge men at the pro level, there is always some sort of reference to Billie Jean King and her 1973 iconic tennis victory over Bobby Riggs at the Astrodome in Houston. While I don't wish to discount the importance of that moment and what it meant for future generations of female athletes, I think the circumstances surrounding that event take a back seat to what Kulick was forced to do. I wasn't alive in 1973, so I can only speak of the events as I have read about them, but still I have my doubts. Back then, King was a 30 year old star already with 10 grand slam titles under her belt. However, a woman by the name of Margaret Court had King's game figured out and in all defeated King 21 out of 34 matches. You'll see why that is important very soon. In 1973, Bobby Riggs was 55 years old and well past his prime of the '30s and '40s. At 55, Riggs was a showman and entrepeneurial wizard above all else. He adopted a chauvinistic stance against women's tennis that played right into the emotions of a still-turbulent America. Whether or not people were tennis fans, they could choose a side. Likewise, whether or not Riggs was genuine in his beliefs, he knew he could stir people up and turn a profit at the end. With this in mind, he challenged one Margaret Court to a singles match and handily defeated her in straight sets 6-2, 6-1 on Mother's Day. Court was the number one female player at the time but had a hard time withstanding the well placed drop shots and lobs of Riggs, who, after defeating Court, turned his attention to Billie Jean King. His initial offers were refused. King wanted nothing to do with Riggs, and you can bet her losses to Court had something to do with it. If Riggs could defeat Court, who had in turn defeated King, it was a safe assumption Riggs could defeat King also. So King refused. Riggs put the pressure on, offering a higher purse to take place in the demonstration until finally the thought of her pocket book overflowing became too much to handle and she accepted. It doesn't seem to me that the women's plight as a whole and in the sports arena was King's first deciding factor. She didn't see anything to gain until the pay was high enough and figured she'd take the movement on her shoulders as an added bonus. After all, plenty of women probably hated Riggs and needed a horse to put their hopes on. The match was to be played at the Astrodome in front of 30,000+ people and a TV audience of over 5 million. The whole thing almost failed to take place when King found out Jack Kramer, a former tennis pro of the Riggs era, was slated to be a commentator. Kramer was perhaps more genuinely unimpressed with women's tennis than Riggs himself, but instead of seeing that as a chance to make him eat his words, King demanded ABC take Kramer off the telecast or she wouldn't play. The match finally happened and King won 6-4, 6-3, 6-3 behind a plethora of demands, provisions, and a 25-year age difference while King was at the top of her tennis game. King benefitted highly from that match as a savior for women's sports. All I am saying is it may not be as rightly so as everyone would have us believe. Unlike the case of Kelly Kulick.

I brought up Billie Jean King's case to highlight how truly great Kelly Kulick's story really is. Right off the bat, we can eliminate excuses and demands. Kulick earned it, she didn't demand it. She entered the Women's World Championship in August and had to beat out a tough field just to gain entry into the TOC. Some of the bowlers she had to fend off were stars in their own right like Shannon Pluhowsky, Kim Johnson (the only other female to play the final round of a PBA event), Carolyn Dorin-Ballard (Del Ballard's wife), Michelle Feldman, Cheryl Daniels, Diandra Asbaty, Stefanie Nation, and Cathy Dorin-Lizzie. It's much harder to follow women's bowling, but these names are consistently at the top. Kulick outlasted all of them, topping Pluhowsky in the final. That was only half the battle on her way to history. Arriving at the TOC last week as the only female was probably intimidating enough, but she had to outbattle the best bowlers this sport has to offer without having time to relax. To compare this to tennis and today's tennis for even better reference, it would be like Serena Williams winning the Australian Open on the women's side and then joining the men's bracket at Wimbledon and winning the whole thing over players like Nadal, Federer, Roddick, Murray, etc. That is what Kelly Kulick did last week. In the qualifying rounds alone, she had to finish higher than Norm Duke (Hall of Fame), Patrick Allen, Bill O'Neill, Brian Voss, Robert Smith, Mike Machuga, Doug Kent, Jason Belmonte, Johnny Petraglia, on and on and on. Then in match play games to determine final seeding, she had to outlast Walter Ray Williams Jr (most titles in PBA history), Parker Bohn III (the floor commercial guy), Pete Weber, Tommy Jones, Jason Couch (3 straight TOC wins), Sean Rash, Wes Malott, and more. By Sunday's TV final, she was ranked 2nd out of 63 bowlers with an average in the 220s. Her first match was against the very talented Mika Koivuniemi, who has won multiple titles already. She took care of him. For the title she had to face Chris Barnes, who has won lots of titles, lots of money, and was Player of the Year 2 years ago. A very dangerous bowler. She exploded for a 265 winning score, while Barnes sulked with a sub-200 finish. Basically, Kulick had to defeat a slew of bowlers in the primes of their careers without letting the moment get the best of her. It didn't get the national viewers like Billie Jean King's accomplishment did, but it was a genuine tournament win over the sport's best males, not a gaudy demonstration with an over-the-hill loser like Bobby Riggs. Kulick proved herself more than any woman before her.

I Won't Pet Your Dog, and I Won't Say Hello

After a holiday season that included unhealthy eating of the most unnecessary degree and a minimum of actual movement, I finally rang in the New Year sensibly with an hour and a half long trail walk in the mid-morning hours. The blanket of fog blowing across the path made the barren trees and tall grass all the more eerie, and I played music in my headphones to fit the circumstance. Of course, while trying to become one with my cerebral extensions, I found myself gingerly avoiding the onslaught of fellow walkers with dogs leading them into my path in the opposite direction. I probably came across ten or so dogs over the course of this walk, and only two of them were on actual leashes: the pair of dachshund wiener dogs you could probably fit in a pillow case. But obviously, the medium to large dogs were either completely off the leash or, in sad attempts by the owners to be responsible, hooked up to those extendable wire leashes that allow their pets to walk freely for like 25 feet in any direction. At one point, I rounded a corner and was met by a big wolf-looking motherfucker with one such leash, who proceeded to get in a crouch upon the site of me and growl. This thing looked like it was built for the Iditarod, not the morning leisure stroll. I took a step back and waited for an owner to do something about it, but when my eyes followed the leash down the path, I saw a small woman standing still, waiting for ME to do something. She was uncomfortable with my presence, and I grant her fairness in some respects. I am tall, shaggy, and I habitually walk with purpose so maybe that can be construed as criminal behavior. Having said that, I could see she had no intention of reeling her dog in to let me go, so I had to walk well off into the side brush to continue. She still wouldn't move as I approached, staring me down the whole way. I said ,"thanks for that" as I passed, then turned around to see her start walking again.

I can't tell if I prefer that type of encounter when walking or the more frequent occurrence of the unleashed dogs running freely towards me. I admit most times these dogs are harmless and would probably welcome my petting, but I am at a point in my life where I simply don't see the positives of reaching my hand out to a strange animal. At the moment, there are only two dogs in the world I will touch without a second thought. All the others can piss off. On this walk, I would see dogs coming at me, and I didn't know what their mindset was. I would step to the side while the owners caught up, they'd smile at me with that, "don't be a little bitch" look and continue on. I don't give a shit. I don't know you, I don't trust you, and you have a big animal with teeth roaming at will. Basically, eat my ass. I was bit by my friend's rottweiler in high school, my mom had her arm shredded by a friend's dog more recently, and about six months ago I came across a stray with no tags on the very same trail who made a charge at me while barking. I had to pull the alpha male thing and run right back at it while yelling, so it knew who would win. And I should put my hand out haphazardly to find out if your dog will accept? No, thanks.

Finally, I don't understand the constant social requirement of passing walkers to say hello to me and thus expect a cheery reply back. I just want to proceed down the path. I don't care about greeting you. Is it because we share the physical act of walking that you feel the need to say something as you pass me? Like we've been through some sort of joint effort at the same time that it requires acknowledgment? We both got up this morning, put on a pair of shoes, and went outside. That's the extent of it, can we please move on now? I completely ignore people when I pass them. I want my focus to remain on my music and the scenery, not your chipperness. I hear people say hello as I pass, and I don't care. I want to be left alone. I'm walking alone, you're walking alone, let's keep it that way. I like people walking in pairs, because they have each other to bother with and aren't as inclined to say anything to me. Happy fucking New Year.